tehharleyquinn

It was always a worry whether the new Red Dwarf episodes would be up to scratch.
I can't stand series 7 & 8, they aren't proper Dwarf to me. Kochanski being in it instead of Lister's fantasy, Rimmer leaving, then the whole crew coming back including human Rimmer... not my cup of tea. The jokes were dreadful and the new CGI was frankly terrible and jarring. Yes the older series had piss poor CGI, but it wasn't try hard, it was "yes we have 1p half a p but you know what, the rest of the episode makes up for it".
But I tried to hope that I'd be wrong and they'd pull it off.
.......
............
Oh dear.
The first episode was actually the best.
Bleak, sad, lonely, the four losers in space. How it was and how it should be.
Now after watching I wasn't impressed, the lack of a laughter track threw me and it seemed as though Chris Barrie had forgotten how to play Rimmer. Cat was forced, Lister seemed a bit distracted and Kryten, God this sounds horrid, but he was a bit above his station, does that make sense? I didn't think so.
But then I read some reviews (particularly Viper's) and it got me thinking. The lack of a laughter track worked, it made the bleakness, it made it worse, desperate. This was their lives, everyday until they died (or were switched off) was this empty. It was spending hours to find a tomato for a rather shitty gag to annoy your bunk mate. It was going on holiday to a cupboard. Because there is nothing else to do. You've listened to your favourite songs so many times they lose all meaning, you've read your magazines until they make no sense, you're checking a picture is level repeatedly to make the hours go by.

The bit in the sub was too forced, Rimmer's dancing made me cringe. Didn't like at all. I know he's like that, but which Rimmer is this? Is this Human Rimmer dead and therefore series 1 Rimmer? Is this Ace Rimmer back? I never caught which one. If it's human and now dead then fine, it's not my Rimmer, he's off being brave and getting laid. He's happy (actually, in the 3rd episode he demanded sex so it's probably human now dead).

Russian/Polish? Hologram was a hell of a lot less annoying than I thought and sadly dropped after her 'death' in the 2nd episode. I'd feared they'd get her together with Rimmer and now I actually think they should have done. Far less annoying than Jane Horrocks in Holoship so why not? The focus is always on Lister and Kochanski, Rimmer needs a babe!

Episode 2 confused me. The Blade Runner references played with my head and brought me out of it. All I could focus on was why on earth they were even in? There is nothing wrong with a few homages or 5 (and I'm a League of Gentlemen fan so I'm used to it) but when it's all you can see, when it ruins the flow then enough is enough. And I ADORE Blade Runner, hell, I'm STILL on a mission to find a square glass like Deckard drinks from when examining the photo to discover the name on the snake scale.
And um... they had the origami pieces AND the Shining ending - chose one or the other, you can't have both!
So the episode was distracting and the LOGA similarities were not good. In LOGA the characters were sad that they didn't exist, the information had to sink in and it affected them. In Red Dwarf it took what 3 seconds and then they were fine with it? Nope, not buying it.

Episode 3. Oh God, oh God no. Just... I was waiting for the Blade Runner stuff rather than the plot and again it was a huge steal from lofGA. Oh look, we can write stuff ourselves! Now Geoff Tipps isn't a very clever man yet he really tried and it worked when he wrote about his massive cock. Lister typing Rimmer's dancing etc was tiresome and plain stupid.
The ending with the "I might be disgusting but sometimes quite brave" made me sniffle when I watched it back at stupid o'clock last night.
But the squid ending was... the first time it was done it worked so so well. I remember watching with my mouth agape. it was a perfect episode and it makes me grin everytime I've watched it since. But this? This was lazy. They took the best episode they had and tried again, but you can't do that if you can't make it good. Polymorph was done twice and it worked.

I should watch it again in one go to see what it does for me, whether I can get past the flat jokes, the Blade Runner steals and the disappointing conclusion. Maybe I will in a few days. I dunno. Do I want to?



And now a bit about Doctor Who and the culture of spoilers which is making me go ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
In the past I've loved knowing secrets about the series. I found out about Owen Harper dying and becoming King of the Weevils and Harry Saxon being the Master and loved it, it made me go WHEEEEEEEEEEE inside and love every mention because I love John Simm and him as the big bad = idufgidgfjrgjdxgf!!!111sexxor!!11
So what have I been doing? Reading spoiler pages and looking at filming photos.
And I don't want to, it's going to ruin stuff. In fact it has already because I've read stuff and seen stuff that doesn't bode well, and some stuff that makes me dance. I need to somehow get so drunk I forget everything I've read.

Finally, anyone watching Heroes?
WTF?!?

Celebrity Chefs.
Most of the time I want to hurt them and their smugness, their fat faces as they make piggie noises as they toss a bit of green stuff in a vat of oil and salt. Over paid asshats who insult everyone who watches their boring programs simply because yes, we like a bowl of cheesy chips and a Super Noodle toastie.

Jamie Oliver is one of the smugest and makes me want to hurt people. Ever since he emerged on BBC2 all those years ago, sliding down the bannisters (sadly not to his death) of his wanky glass brick clad flat, I've hated the fat tongued twat. Even though I'm a vegetarian I want to eat a Turkey Twizzler just to annoy him. Yes kids are fat and lazy lumps butI'd rather they ate iceland crap than their parents shelled out insane amounts on Oliver's up it's own arse food.
Why I'm ranting here is becauae of Oliver's latest venture, Recipease.
http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipease/index.html
A few of my friends went there a couple of weeks ago, and came back with a tray of Macaroni cheese. A tray of Macaroni cheese that they'd made themselves, and paid Oliver £11.45 to do so.
Um.... I can make a tray of frankly amazing Macaroni Cheese for about £5. And I bet you it will taste nicer than the stuff they made.
£11.45 to make it yourself? OK ok they got what was actually a nice cooking dish with it (a white and blue enamal one that I have always liked and I rarely like stuff like that, it's often like horse brasses and leatherette and I loathe all that), but still. You made it yourself and you paid that much? AND you have to go to Clapham Junction to do so.
I was there yesterday so I could go to the Fancy Dress shop for some final parts to one of the costumes for this coming weekend.
There is no other reason I'd go there (ok yes I go there to catch an overground train sometimes but not if I can help it).
A 6 foot summat bloke bashed straight into me, and it REALLY hurt, did he say sorry? Of course no. And I didn't beat the shit out of him cos he had 2 friends with him and they would have murdered me. I did see a chav get hauled off by the Security Guards in Debenhams because he'd been stealing. He cried out that he hadn't nicked anything, the hip flask in his pocket was his friends. Bare in mind that he was about 14 and so was his friend. Does anyone under the age of 60 own a hip flask?
I digress.
Claphman Junction is awful, it's trying to turn into Putney or something, but too much of the place is a rotting chav filled hell hole so t will always stay awful.


On a completely different note, i have wanted to cry today because I have somehow developed a crush on Julian Sands. Yes, Julian Sands. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been watching the dire Rose Red (I have no idea why either) and his nose has made my heart flutter. UGH!